batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
