I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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