HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
