you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
