Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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