hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
