so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
