3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
