My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize