You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
