So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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