Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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