then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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