I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
