We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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