Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
