I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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