I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
