Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize