He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker