remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.