the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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