If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
