Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
