haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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