just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
