I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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