Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
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On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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