In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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