No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
