so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
