I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize