people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
