in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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