clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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