i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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