Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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