i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
