I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
