I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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