Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
