I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
