Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
