Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
