I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
