I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
