drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
