I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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