remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize