I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
