Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
pray to the hookup gods
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
