I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
