I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
