i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
