Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
