At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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