He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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