So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
