i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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