chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
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just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
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So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have post one night stand depression
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