What did we do last night that was yellow?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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