Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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