I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
