Umm I'm too high to move.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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