Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
